Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Potential. I think women in general see potential (maybe men too. Not being one, I can't speak to that). For instance, my shelf of yarn. When I look at the collection of wool and cotton and mohair and nylon, I see more than just the colors and textures and fibers (though the colors are pretty distracting). I see more than the work that went into making each yarn. I see the work going into them to make something new - another step in the transition from wool on a sheep's back to a sweater on my back. I see socks, scarves, shawls, sweaters, and undefined finished objects. The more dangerous place to focus on potential is relationships. As I filled in a friend on what happened last year, I think about this. I think about it alot when I'm writing songs, as I'm stuck in a bitter relationship song rut. There are other references - skin and bones of love won't make a meal. You can never love enough for two people. You can never change people. You can stretch them like a rubber band to make them hold you, but as the years go by (and the rubber undergoes irreversible transitions to a more brittle state) the initial infatuation dies up and they snap. And you fall. Sometimes you fall hard. You learn not to fall in without looking, and that the only person you can change is yourself. And that sometimes it's not worth it to change yourself. It's better to spend time with those who accept who you are and make no complaints that you are too dramatic, too clingy, too demanding. It's better to stand up and say, "I deserve better. I'm not demanding, I'm saying I'm worth more than this." When you are endlessly impressed that you get a phone call every night, you realize you spent 5 years settling. You spent 5 years neglecting yourself and maybe that's why you haven't been happy. You've been going through the growing pains of re-learning to prioritize yourself before others. And it's a good thing. To look around a new place and see all the potential for what you could do for yourself. The things you want to create, the changes you want to bring, the lofty goals. It's a good realization. And about time.


Kat said...

Snaps and loves to the Kate!