...in which I whine a little

Friday I had a mini breakdown as I was driving down to LA to a slumber party with my knitting friends. I was on the phone with M, and about to cry because he had just told me to relax and not worry.

Something so simple (and so true) shouldn't drive me to tears. But last week, or more accurately last Friday, sucked.

• I passed the 6 month anniversary of my brother's death with nothing more than an empty feeling - which was quickly replaced with a guilty feeling. And communication with my parents has been falsely cheery (on both ends) at best lately.
  
• My new and improved allergy meds are not doing anything for the cough that brought me to the allergist in the first place (and my nose is running).
  
• I have had credit card fraud for the second time in 2 months - making me worried that my information is out there for the taking. It's strange - the first time someone charged alot of gas to my card, the second time they tried to buy alot of clothes with my other card. I'm not sure what to do at this point.
• Work. Oh work, how you stretch me. There have been structure changes in the last week that directly affected me. There's a trip to Puerto Rico (tonight, actually) to learn about the new process that's stressing me out because a) it's happening relatively quickly and b) the plan keeps changing. Originally one of the more senior group members was going to go, but that got nixed Friday and until about an hour ago it looked like I might be going by myself.
  

/whine.

It's been a rollercoaster weekend, trying to pack and repack and clean and run errands, but it's not all bad. The slumber party was fun, and the food was tasty. Knitting has been happening - I have made some good progress on the Hourglass Sweater, finishing up the lower part of the body and starting on one of the sleeves. Though I think the Claptois, Chevron Scarf, and my mom's shawl will be the projects coming along with me this week. And I've decided to treat myself with the overtime I'll be earning and get some STR - the only hard part is narrowing down my choices!

Etsy update and WIP Wednesday

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New stitch markers have been uploaded to the shop! And, in honor of Thanksgiving, shipping is free all of this month :) Enjoy!

Here's a shot of the shawl I'm working on, in an attempt to capture how close to Marie's eye color this yarn is. The picture came out reddish because I tried to block the flash, which makes for an interesting shot....


Here's a closeup of the shawl itself - I'm only on the 3rd repeat, and I can tell it's going to be fairly large when blocked!

PSA

Thanks to Ravelry, I found NaughtyCodes.com, which lists discount codes for all sorts of online stores. I haven't tried any that I've found on there, but it looks promising!

back to looking at clothes online at REI.....

I do believe there's been some knitting....

I gave in. I started a new project - but, to be fair, it's a gift for my mom and if I don't start it now it may never be done. And I wanted to start another lace project ;) The Misti Alpaca Lace is absolutely wonderful - so incredibly soft. And while it may be a bit thin to knit single stranded, I'm loving how delicate the shawl is turning out. Good thing I have some more yarn for myself!

I've been carefully resisting all the sales and blog contests lately - I really have more yarn than I can use up any time in the near future. Which may lead to some more destashing.....

It was a quiet weekend. Friday's party was a little disappointing - it ended up just being my boyfriend and a couple of our friends from SB. It seems as we get older everyone has a harder and harder time a) committing to plans and b) showing up. I would much rather people said no in advance than the day of (or via messenger the hour of), when I've already gone out and gotten food and drinks etc. I'm guilty of it myself - thinking I'll really want to go or might want to go and then deciding that I'm too tired. In reality, I'm always tired. But usually when I push myself to go, I end up having a good time and was glad I went.

Sorry, this wasn't supposed to turn into a rant :)

Saturday I did a little shopping - I got an award at work that I turned into a Banana Republic gift card. Which meant an immediate (if not sooner!) trip to the outlet. Saturdays aren't the best days for a trip to the outlet, but I managed to make it in and out with only minor damage (2 sweaters and another pair of work pants which I absolutely adore). M and I went to see American Gangster, which was good, but not as good as the previews had led me to believe. There were definitely some interesting previews before the movie - alot of scary movies coming out!

Sunday we drove up to SB to go sailing. We were short staffed that day, there being only 4 of us to crew, but somehow we pulled it off (and I managed not to get any new bruises!). It was a long race out to the platforms, and bitterly cold with the fog rolling in. However, it was all worth it when we found out we'd gotten 2nd place. A very rare feat for our boat!

In other news, I'll be updating my etsy shop this week with a few more sets of stitch markers. Additionally, it'll be free shipping for the entire month! So stop by and take a look!

Happy Monday - made better by the extra hour we got back this weekend ;)

A different kind of tourism

I intended to save this post for a few more days, waiting for the 6 month anniversary of my brother's death. But I saw this article today in the NY Times: Study Examines Suicide Tourism in New York City. The article examines the total number of suicides committed in NYC, and the percent of those committed by out-of-towners. It goes on to discuss the phenomena of "hot spots" for suicide as being well-documented, and lists the Eiffel Tower and Golden Gate Bridge as two other popular destinations. (The oh-so-slightly-crazy part of me giggles at travel guide feel of it.) They talk about how suicide is considered a "major, and preventable, public health problem." Barriers, awareness, surveillance, proximity of hotline phones.

Years ago, when I was dating a guy in San Diego, I thought it was strange they had the suicide hotline number posted all over the bridge. It makes so much more sense now. Do I know if my brother would have reconsidered killing himself if there was a barrier? A phone? If the tourist who saw him jump had said, "Beautiful day, isn't it?" I don't, and I try not to think about it.

I've learned alot in the last 6 months. I've learned what drugs can do to your body. I've learned how much my brother had changed before he died. I've learned just how much one person can cry over music or commercials on TV. I've learned about grief and anger and the loneliness that comes when someone you know dies. I've come a long way from this May - trying to be a better daughter, to ask for help when times are rough, to not bottle everything up, and to stop saying yes to everything. I've stopped forming expectations about the future of my family and how we'll all get through this, because I know we're all in different places now.

And somehow, that's given me peace. I've spent the last few weeks worrying about going north for Thanksgiving (and my birthday) and how we were going to deal with the fact my brother won't be there, back from his first few months at college. I can't draw up scenarios anymore, because whatever happens will happen. It's heartbreaking for sure, but you can't plan for heartbreak.

Thanksgiving, for me, was always about the turkey and pumpkin pie. This year, it's more about those left behind.

Wednesday WIPs....on a Sunday?

I'm making a valiant push for the final days of Socktoberfest. I've noticed a trend this year - of making plans for knitting and blatantly ignoring them (Summer knitting goals, summer of socks, etc) But no! I will knit socks in October (and move on to something else come November)


First up, socks for my dad. I'm really loving the yarn, and the pattern (from More Sensational Socks). They're for his birthday, which was in June. So much for timing (Teresa, your gloves WILL be refinished. Promise. Definitely by your next birthday....)


Next up, Red Sox. No, really. If I'm going to watch all this sports on TV, I am going to knit appropriately (until they're done - then I'll move back to my overflowing WIP basket). M didn't think I was serious when I said I was going to knit some Red Sox socks....well, that'll show him :) I've finished the toe, the foot, and the heel. Why did I ever think knitting socks on anything less than a US 6 was a good idea?

So, if you'll excuse me, there's all sorts of football on right now and perhaps a baseball game tonight....

I hear there's only one October....

How happy am I that it's Friday? Not that it's been a bad week, but I love weekends. Tonight I'm going to see Josh Ritter perform at the Natural History Museum (which, according to a coworker is a hip venue) (wow, I just felt older right there). Tomorrow, a quick trip to the outlets where I will resist the urge to spend any more money before heading up to Santa Barbara. I imagine with the World Series being on right now there will be some baseball to watch (while I follow the Cal game tomorrow night online). And of course, some knitting.

I'm not really a huge sports fan, despite how much sports I watch. I don't have many favorite teams (except for Cal - go Bears!), and the ones I do like are based on geography or not an awful combination of team colors more than anything else. And in spite of some of the Red Sox fans I've met (or sat near at an Angels game), I have to admit I like the Red Sox. Why? Because I can knit a pair of red socks while watching them and giggle to myself the whole time. It's the little things :)

I found this website of common errors in English via the Stitchin' Sheep. I have to say, I feel a little dumber....Not that anyone expects engineers to have good grammatical skills anyways :)

Next post - pictures! Knitting related pictures!

We didn't start the fire

It smells like campfire. It's been ashy and gritty and hazy all weekend - from Santa Barbara to Camarillo to LA to San Diego. Looking at the Google Map makes me realize just how widespread these fires are. I feel like this happens every year and we're sort of used to it, but driving over the mountain yesterday and seeing the red sky made me feel like I was an extra in a Lord of the Rings movie (sadly, no Viggo to be found). It's eerie and scary and my hair is responding to the lack of moisture in the air. Teresa and I went for a hike earlier this year in Solstice Canyon, hiking through the ruins of a house burned down in 1982. It was strange, mostly because the house had been so set into the landscape when it was built that it was easy for nature to reclaim it. It makes me wonder what will happen to the houses lost this time around.

In more cheery news, I got a new jacket for snow that has tons of pockets (I'm a fan of pockets). It's passed the approval of the skier - though he said it would be good for "sort of cold" days, which makes me wonder what I've gotten myself into....I also won free tickets to a closed performance on Friday with Josh Ritter. I'm not sure what to expect of a taped concert (or what to wear!), but I'm loving the price :)

Movies?

According to my imdb list, I've seen over 750 movies. Apparently not all of them good...

AFI's top 100 movies. Bold the ones you have seen. Strike out the ones you couldn't finish. * the ones you have seen more than once. (Found via kmkat)

1. Citizen Kane (1941)*

2. Godfather, The*

3. Casablanca (1942)

4. Raging Bull (1980)

5. Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

6. Gone with the Wind (1939)

7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

8. Schindler’s List (1993)

9. Vertigo (1958)*

10. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)*

11. City Lights (1931)

12. Searchers, The (1956)

13. Star Wars (1977)*

14. Psycho (1960)*

15. Sunset Blvd. (1950)

16. 2001 : A Space Odyssey (1968)

17. Graduate, The (1967)*

18. General, The (1927)

19. On the Waterfront (1954)

20. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

21. Chinatown (1974)

22. Some Like It Hot (1959)

23. Grapes of Wrath, The (1940) For the longest time I hadn’t read the book either. People always assume if you’re from Oklahoma you’ve seen/read Grapes of Wrath and you love hearing them sing the theme song from the musical.

24. E.T. The Extraterrestrial (1982)

25. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

27. High Noon (1952)

28. All About Eve (1950)

29. Double Indemnity (1944)

30. Apocalypse Now (1979) “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” used to be my dad’s favorite quote.

31. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)

32. Godfather Part II, The (1974)

33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

35. Annie Hall (1977)

36. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)

37. Best Years of Our Lives, The (1946)

38. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)

39. Dr. Strangelove (1964)*

40. Sound of Music (1965)

41. King Kong (1933) I’ve seen the newer one….

42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

43. Midnight Cowboy (1969)

44. Philadelphia Story, The (1940)

45. Shane (1953)

46. It Happened One Night (1934)

47. Streetcar Named Desire, A (1951)

48. Rear Window (1954)* I’ve always liked Hitchcock movies.

49. Intolerance (1916)

50. Lord of the Rings : The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

51. West Side Story (1961)

52. Taxi Driver (1976)

53. Deer Hunter, The (1978)

54. M*A*S*H (1970)

55. North by Northwest (1959)*

56. Jaws (1975) Surprisingly, I’m not interested in seeing movies about a shark killing people. Strange, I know.

57. Rocky (1976) I refuse.

58. Gold Rush, The (1925)

59. Nashville (1975)

60. Duck Soup (1933)

61. Sullivan’s Travels (1941)

62. American Graffiti (1973)

63. Cabaret (1972)

64. Network (1976)

65. African Queen, The (1951)

66. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

67. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

68. Unforgiven (1992)

69. Tootsie (1982)

70. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)

71. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

72. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)

73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)*

74. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)

75. In the Heat of the Night (1967)

76. Forrest Gump (1994)*

77. All the President’s Men (1976)* One of my favorites

78. Modern Times (1936)

79. Wild Bunch, The (1969)

80. Apartment, The (1960)

81. Spartacus (1960)

82. Sunrise (1927)

83. Titanic (1997)*

84. Easy Rider (1969)

85. Night at the Opera, A (1935)

86. Platoon (1986)

87. 12 Angry Men (1957)

88. Bringing Up Baby (1938)

89. Sixth Sense, The (1999)

90. Swing Time (1936)

91. Sophie’s Choice (1982)

92. Goodfellas (1990)

93. French Connection, The (1971)

94. Pulp Fiction (1994) I could never get into it. Or any of Tarantino’s films.

95. Last Picture Show, The (1971)

96. Do the Right Thing (1989)

97. Blade Runner (1982)

98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

99. Toy Story (1995)

100. Ben-Hur (1959)

This is what my mornings are like...

Fill up your glasses

Knitting blog drinking game, found via Feather and Fan.

You have to have a good sense of humor going into this - I found alot of things on the list that I do :)

Good thing I just bought all that wine....

Food on the brain

I brought some of my cookbooks in to work this morning to come up with something to make for dinner. Because I have food on the brain. Something happened this weekend to motivate me to cook (I blame the wine tasting) and since that motivation comes along so rarely I figured I should go with it.

The internet is against me - I'm finding alot about baking in my feed reader today:
Vodka Pie
No-knead bread followup
The original no-knead bread

The truth is, I miss the chocolate croissants at the farmer's market in Westwood....it may be time to dig out the Martha Stewart cookbook :)

After I posted yesterday, I found all sorts of eco-friendly posts popping up. Apparently it was Blog Action Day and I missed the memo :) It was interesting to see all the posts about the usual recycling, greener energy, and carbon footprints. Someone also blogged about how participating in swaps and destashing across the country adds to your footprint - definitely something knitters don't want to think about :)

Time to get back to planning dinner....

Monday Monday

Image found on Apartment Therapy

Well, another week back at work. The weekend was nice, I went wine tasting with a friend and her boyfriend, picking up a few nice dessert wines. I used to go tasting more often, but with all that's been going on with sailing and hiking I haven't had as much time. And now there's college football....

I picked up my Hourglass Sweater again, in hopes of finishing it up before my birthday in November (it's good to have goals) So far my wrists/forearms still ache a little, but it's significantly better than it was before. I've also gotten a new keyboard tray and mouse at work, since my physical therapist thinks the tendinitis is more due to mousing than knitting (I tend to agree with her, since I haven't knit more than an hour is the last 3 weeks!).

I've been listening to the Omnivore's Dilemma again, and I'm in the section about organic farming. While I still got a little queasy listening to the slaughtering description, I realized the rest of the chapter really appealed to me in contrast to the first section about industrial farming. This year seems to be the year for thinking greener (my Nellie's Dryerballs arrived last week!) and reducing your footprint, but it's also becoming the year for thinking about what you eat (and not just in a caloric sense). I've always remained blissfully unaware of where my food came from, and I'm beginning to question that...

Happy Monday all!

The wait is finally over

Almost 3 months after the announcement that downsizing was imminent, layoffs were finalized. Across all departments at my site in just one day. And while I still have a job, it was an incredibly difficult day. No one really got any work done as coworkers gathered in the halls to discuss the rumors and later console the affected. My parents have of course been checking in frequently to find out who and when, which has been exhausting. If worrying created food we'd have enough to feed a small country....

Tomorrow, puppy pictures.

An upset

Wow. I can't believe it. Stanford beat USC yesterday. As a Cal fan, I have mixed feelings about this. I'd like to see USC move down in the rankings so Cal can move up (plus I went to UCLA for grad school). But I'd also like to see Stanford lose because, well, go Bears! So I definitely have mixed feelings about this one.

It has been a season of upsets for sure. Stanford, Appalachian State. And Notre Dame broke their losing streak (unfortunately against UCLA)

Enough football. I'm in Napa for the weekend visiting my parents (and doing some shopping). Along movie watching, and knitting. The weather is great, I'm hoping to take some pictures of the leaves here, they're showing more color than the trees down south. And also of the new puppy, who has been following me around since I got here :)

Have a good weekend everyone!

Edumakation

The Curious Origins of 9 Delicious Phrases, found via Accidental Hedonist.

Little tidbit on how our expectations color our tastes (wrt food, around the middle of the post)

Bored at work? Check out people's fridges....

Mr. Whippy, stress-dispensed ice cream.

FYI - the workers are the SS office are so unbelievably pleasant. Definitely less stressed out than DMV workers.

Unbelievable

It's been a busy week, mostly because I started going back to physical therapy for my knee which makes for longer days than I'm used to. Where am I going with this? I've had a bag of stuff to give to Goodwill for the whole week now, and I haven't been able to drop it off because they close at 5. So finally I gave up and left the bag outside the dumpster in case anyone wanted a new coffeemaker, grinder, etc.

...I woke up at 5:30 this morning and realized my social security card and some other things may have been in one of the old wallets I put in the bag. I don't carry around everything in my wallet, and I have so many that I use the old ones to hold things I don't need to keep with my (SS card, business cards, grocery store savings cards, etc). This one had the card slots on the outside, which were empty, and a zippered compartment, which was probably not. Of course the stuff was long gone. I know I can get a replacement and monitor my credit report but it was such a stupid thing to do. This is why those cleaning binges are bad.....

In other wallet news, I custom ordered a new wallet a few days ago from JennaLou's etsy shop (thanks to the recommendation from Teresa!) I also made another sale in my etsy shop which is awesome :). I also came across an interesting fact this week - 40 years of research show that grief intensifies and peaks around 5-7 months after someone's death. Which helps to explain what's been going on lately. Well, not so much explain as reassure me I'm still following the curve :) (Insert long discussion on distributions and statistics here. I had a stats class early this week so I'm a little stat-ed out)

And, speaking of unbelievable, check this out. How does she do it?!? Here's more of her work. Absolutely amazing.

Almost Wednesday WIPs

The Swallowtail Shawl, in Malabrigo lace. I can't get over how soft the yarn is! It's addictive - more so than KSH :)
Argosy - this one's been hibernating for awhile. I'm using some yarn that's been hiding out in the stash for awhile (me? Stash busting? What are the odds!)
Clapotis, using the STR Lucy colorway. This one, for some reason, seems to be easiest on my arms. Maybe all the variation in stitches.....
And finally, the Chevron scarf. I really love how the colors go together, though they don't contrast as much as I'd hoped. It's slow going on this one, but I'm really loving it so far.

Time for me to get back to catching up on the first season of Heroes....

Bad blogger!

I'm still behind on taking pictures, but Little Knits is having a sale on some Trekking and I thought I'd pop over and post. I still haven't been knitting much, but I'm hoping that when I do go back to it this break will have helped in the long run.

Not much else to report - the cold is mostly gone, which is great. I went camping this weekend as a sort of reunion event - we went back to Angeles forest and had a great time eating, drinking, and talking (and trying to stay warm!). Sunday found me making banana bread for the first time and working with M to come up with a new meatball recipe. And packing up the second order from my etsy store! As great as etsy is for finding cool indie things, it's huge and hard to stand out from the rest. But so far, so good!

Somewhat off topic, but my mom had some suicide awareness bracelets made and sent me a bunch last week. I have no idea what to do with them, but if anyone wants one I've got 'em.

Time to get back to work - happy Monday all!

Working on a day off

My cold got worse last night so I opted to go in, get my laptop, and work from home for a half day (it would have been more but I'm having trouble logging in now....).

So, I've been busy taking pictures, writing descriptions, and uploading. That's right, I finished setting up my etsy shop. Feel free to take a look and let me know what you think! (and feel free to spread the work as well) This is my first foray into selling, so any suggestions and comments are welcome.


And here, the long-coveted Wollmeise! I got Poison Nr. 5 as well, but for some reason that picture didn't turn out well. When I get up some more energy I'll take some pictures of my Chevron Scarf. Until then :)